Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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