Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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