Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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