Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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