Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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