Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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