Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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