What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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