What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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