What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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