What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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