What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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