What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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