What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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