What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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