What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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