What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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