What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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