What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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