What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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