What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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