What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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