What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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