What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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