What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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