What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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