What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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