What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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