What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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