What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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