What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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