What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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