What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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