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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
Got two fives for a ten?
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?
Donald Trump.
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What do Santa's elves drive?
Minivans.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?
He was caught stealing second base.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
Three skunks fighting over a pickle
First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?
Slippers!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?
Half a worm.
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