What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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