What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.


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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

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