What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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