What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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