What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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