What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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