What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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