What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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