What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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