What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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