What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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