What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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