What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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