What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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