What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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