What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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