What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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