What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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