What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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