What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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