What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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