What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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