What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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