What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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