What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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