What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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