What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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