What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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