What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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