What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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