What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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