What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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