What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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