What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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