What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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