What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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