What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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