What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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