What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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