What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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