What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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