What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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