What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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