What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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