What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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