What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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