What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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