What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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