What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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