What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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