What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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