What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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