What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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