What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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