What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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