What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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