What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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