What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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