What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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