What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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