What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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