What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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