What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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