What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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