What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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