What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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