What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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