What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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