What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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