What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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