What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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