What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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