What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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