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What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Its shadow
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it's two tired!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"
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What day of the week tastes the best?
Sunday!
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What did one ion say to the other?
I've got my ion you.
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Why does cheese look sane?
Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?
Bone appetit!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.
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