What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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