What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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