What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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