What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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