What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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