What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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