What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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