What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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