What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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