What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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