What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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